Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
