I look better un-naked...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
