The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
