Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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