Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
