We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
