mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
