is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
