Dual....:-)
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just high enough for therapy.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
