I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
