i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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