I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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