dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
