It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
