Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
