I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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