I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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