Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
