Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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