closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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