But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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