Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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