Taylor Swift is so right about you.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
