just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize