it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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