me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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