Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
