just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
