I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
