I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
