I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Randomize
