I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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