And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
