Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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