I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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