oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
