Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
you never un-have a 4some
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
