Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
