just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
