I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
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