Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
