Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
