the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
