I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Randomize
