Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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