i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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