I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
