the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
