what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
