You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
