I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
